Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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