i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
