Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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