I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
