He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
