i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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