ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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