We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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