see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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