I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
