i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
