How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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