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How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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