Me too!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
