I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
