i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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