i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
