I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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