why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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