Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
