like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
