everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
