When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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