We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
