But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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