Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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