i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
