ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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