You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
