ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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