You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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