It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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