There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
