i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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