My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize