I skipped work to stalk him.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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