you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
