i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
