I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
