haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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