she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
