we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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