no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My life is pants optional.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
