Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
