Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We're using joints as your birthday candles
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
