Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
