Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
