It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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