it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
