Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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