I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
