you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
