Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
