I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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