Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Randomize
