Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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