I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
