ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize