I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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