i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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