My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Randomize
