nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
