Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
