How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
