I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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