the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just found puke in my bra..
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
