things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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