Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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