If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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