What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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