i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
