There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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