take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I will pee on everything he values.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
