i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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