I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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