he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
