I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
