Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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