your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
