Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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